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The schedule for the John F. Kennedy Center in the nation's capital highlights a fun dual-language performance and an ad-libbed theatrical company. Curiously absent from the public schedule is the upcoming global football draw, likely because it is a strictly private affair. Planners seem intent on prevent any unwanted attendees from darkening the doorstep at what promises to be an overly lengthy, self-aggrandizing procession where highly compensated luminaries will doubtlessly parrot the well-worn cliche that "soccer brings together the world."

A Star-Studded Line-Up

A glamorous event is set to be emceed by television personality Heidi Klum and small-statured American standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the star power will be American football icon Eli Manning on welcoming details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming correspondent. Together, they will host a ceremony that will undoubtedly have English football fans nostalgic for yearning for the halcyon, pomp-free days of former managers, FA officials, the old draw system and a reliable fabric pouch of simple, numbered balls.

Set to last nearly three torturous hours, the show will feature a seemingly endless agenda of speechifying, overly sentimental video montages, pre-vetted jokes, famous faces, performances from artists with perhaps little shame or financial motivations, and then... at last, the actual World Cup draw.

Icons of Sport on Ceremony Detail

Included in those tasked with carrying out the draw? NBA legend Shaquille O'Neal, hockey great Wayne Gretzky, football star Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all plucking balls under the watchful eye of former defender Rio Ferdinand. Given the considerable, untapped reservoir of charisma exhibited by these ageing sporting icons, short of an uniformed security team storming the event, it's hard to imagine what could potentially go wrong.

In reality, not much, if the insensitive defence of FIFA's widely reported World Cup ticket price-gouging offered by an overly deferential English yes-man is any sort of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more affordable for average fans, the response was vague. "I think we have to be aware of that and I think FIFA are definitely people that are conscious of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every industry, every sector, we could have that discussion about things," he added. The implication seemed to be that high prices are justified when contrasted with other luxury goods.

The Football Business

With 42 nations already qualified for next summer's tournament and six more set to qualify, there will be a genuine feeling of excitement once the preliminaries conclude and the actual draw begins. But as fans worldwide wait with bated breath to see which three nations their own country will play in the initial phase, the suspense will be nothing compared to that which precedes the announcement of the winner of FIFA's first-ever award for peace for "people who help bring together people in peace through unwavering dedication and notable actions." Given that the draw is in the US capital and the tournament is primarily in the US, guesses about the winner are ripe, though the hints are apparent.

"There's no concern at the moment. I was in contact with the chairman today. My relationship with him is rock solid really. I have a real transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever" – comments from a manager whose side on a five-match losing streak, offering a textbook quote-that-will-definitely-get-resurfaced should changes occur in the future.

Audience Feedback

• "Further to the mention of a potential club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at Fulham who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be asked to buy a Highland League club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to local games in the past, when the answer was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "My reading ceased after nine words. 'Comprised of'! What was the thought process? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as redundant as an additional referee."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what catchy ditty will certain performers come up with if a certain individual refuses to leave the stage, thereby necessitating an encore?"